Careers

Now I've made it to my 4th year of study, there's a lot of talk about career pathways. I've always been dead set on prehospital/critical care, and love anaesthetics as a speciality. However, I've just finished a rotation on Obstetrics and Gynaecology - a speciality I had convinced myself I'd hate - and loved EVERY minute of it. The SHOs (junior doctors) were incredibly enthusiastic, willing to teach, and happy to have me involved with clinical skills. They've made me a lot more comfortable in my abilities as a medical student (for example, I am MUCH less nervous taking bloods from patients now), and this is the first placement I've felt truly happy on. I was treated like part of the team by everyone, midwives and doctors alike, and was comfortable in my role. I was given a lot more responsibility on this placement (still with supervision) and really enjoyed the experience. I actually felt like I was benefitting patient care. This has reminded why I went into medicine, and reminded just how close I am to finishing Medical School.

I think I could honestly see myself as an obstetrician in the future. The career has everything - a mix of surgery and medicine, it's hands on from an early stage, has good job prospects, has emergencies to deal with on a regular basis and the uncertainty of not knowing what you'll see next. Seeing myself in a career I thought I'd hate is bonkers, but this is what you get for staying open minded! It's a good job I am open minded about specialities, I think, because otherwise I could end up in a career I truly hate.

To the wonderful SHOs: Thank you. Thank you for making me confident in my skills and for helping me find my feet. I can't repay you for that.

To the consultants: Thank you so much for being enthusiastic about your speciality and willing to take the time to speak to and teach students. It was noticed and very much appreciated.

To the midwives: Thank you for not conforming to the stereotype, and being truly lovely to everybody - and thank you for the opportunity to deliver a baby. This was truly special and something I shall never forget.

To the patients: Thank you for letting me be involved in your care, and helping me learn and become a better medical student. I truly enjoyed getting to know you and your families, and helping you welcome your new babies to the world. Thank you particularly to the lady who let me deliver her baby. It was a wonderful experience to be involved in, and I won't forget you and your family. Congratulations on the birth your beautiful baby.

Dear Father Christmas

Dear Father Christmas,

I've tried to be good this year. I've made some new friends, attempted to make peace with some I fell out with, and made an effort to keep in touch with old friends along the way. I've looked after my grandad when he's been ill, I carried out the promises I made to him and visited my grandma and passed my exams. I've tried to be nice to my sisters, even they've made me want to tear my hair out, and I've helped my mother when she's asked for it. I've worked hard and got the marks I've deserved, and I'm finally accepting my health problems.

So, in return, please may I have:

• Some extra spoons - they'll be needed in the New Year
• Some help with this awful Student Finance screw up
• A couple of friends at University - being alone is so hard sometimes
• Some extra space in my brain for all the stuff I need to know
• New ways of learning things that works for me and sticks - I'm struggling
• And some acceptance from friends, colleagues, the medical school and my family of my illness and of me as a person.

Thank you for reading this, whether you can fulfil it or not.

Truffle

xx

USA Medical Student Day

Over in the states it is currently still July 1st which apparently (according to MedicDani) is Medical Student day there. So, this post was her idea and nudging me towards getting some fantastic advice from all of you hopefully! What I'd love would be for you to tweet @ me or to leave in the comments box or to email me is your piece of advice for brand new medical students, or students starting placements or junior doctors about to start their first jobs, or advice for medical professionals in general. Just one piece of advice is all I ask!

Here's Dani's piece of advice:

Befriend the nurses and the aides. We will be your best friends or your worst enemies and we have more power with the surgeons than you think. We decide whether to like you or not based on your first day, so the only staff to fear on day one is the Nurses and aides.

Looking forward to reading all of your pieces of advice!!

Future HEMS Doctor?

When I joined Twitter, I started out as MedStudentFaye. That's me, that's who I am and what I am. Plain and simple. I soon realised thought, that I wasn't happy just being me. I wanted to aim higher. I wasn't happy just being mediocre or average. So, I became FutureHEMSDoc, in order to give myself something to aim for. However, this year, I've been doubting myself. A LOT. I haven't been at all happy at UEA, that's no secret. The course isn't really right for me and I haven't made many real friends at all on my course, or even at UEA in general. I feel isolated and alone a lot of the time, despite having a wonderful boyfriend (NorfolkDocToBe) but he's usually up in Manchester, but at the moment he's the other side of the world. I love him to pieces but him being so far away is currently very unhelpful! I don't at all begrudge him the opportunity he has in Australia, and am really pleased he's enjoying himself and travelling and learning a bit more about himself and what he wants to do as he advances in his medical career. He's made for medicine. I'm not so sure that I am.

I've had several lengthy discussions with many of my good friends on twitter about all of this - mostly Mark Glencorse and his lovely wife Sandra, as well as iMedicFF (who has put up with me crying far too much!) who have been fantastic in helping me decide what is best for me, and what I should do. (Thank you guys! Really appreciate all the lengthy conversations - I know I'm a pain in the butt, but you've helped me out a hell of a lot). But in the end, no matter how much I discuss this with people, it is MY decision. I changed my twitter name so there was no pressure on myself to be FutureHEMSDoc, but at the end of the day, I wouldn't be me if I didn't push myself. For now, I'm going to work as hard as I can at this medical degree, because I'm not one for giving up. If I pass the year, I'll carry on and work until I get to where I want to be. I'm not particularly bright, and I'm not popular or happy on this degree, but once I'm qualified, I can do so much with it, and I just can't waste that opportunity. I've got this far, and I couldn't forgive myself if I threw that away. If I fail the year, at least I gave it a go and did my best, but I'll then go and be a paramedic. I'd be happy in that job, I know I would. I love every single aspect of it, even the paperwork and the picking up drunks on a Saturday night, but I think I'd always feel like I lost the opportunity to do more. I'm not at all putting down paramedics and what they do - the VAST majority of those that I've met have been fantastic people, highly skilled and far better than I would ever be at that job, but as a doctor, I could do many more different things, and maybe even change the way a few things work for the better.

As I said in my first post, I'm stubborn, opinionated and I care a hell of a lot. Because of that I'm going to do my best whatever I do. I'm going to keep going out observing with paramedics as much as possible (if you're a paramedic or tech who wants an observer, give me a shout!! I'd love to go out with as many different people as possible). I'm going to keep working as an HCA in my hospital, and I'm going to speak to ambulance services about student paramedic jobs, and look into paramedic science degrees, because I'm still a little unsure.

I'm crying as I write this, not because I think I'm making the wrong decision, but because I think, for now, I'm making the right one for me, even if the world seems to be passing me by because of it, and because I've put a lot of people through my crying and worrying and stressing over all of this.

To everyone who has helped me with this decision, including those who I haven't mentioned by name: Thank You. You don't know how much help and support you've been. Honestly, you don't.

To everyone who has put me down and told me I can't do this, and told me to quit and that I'm useless and  a waste of space, and that I'll be a rubbish doctor: I'm going to prove you wrong. You may put me down, and say awful things to me, but it's just making me stronger. I'm going to FIGHT until I have nothing left.And I'm going to do what's right for ME.

I Have Returned!!!

Normal service has once again resumed. I'm still not well but am managing to make it in to a good few lectures, and am just about keeping on top of my work - I even have 2 patient case studies written up already!! Unheard of for me! We've now started respiratory medicine, which I'm not particularly enjoying. Sputum is really quite disgusting, but the acute management side of this unit I'm really enjoying. I like knowing how to manage things like pneumothorax and stuff that I would come across pre-hospital. Chest infections with lots of thick green gunk, not so much.

Anyway, thank you to all my guest bloggers - you gave me a lot of really interesting stuff to read and a good break from the blog. If your post hasn't appeared, it's because I'm saving it for a future date.

Also, the boy (Simon) is now back on Twitter as @NorfolkDocToBe which is great, cos I can now talk to him more, even if it's mostly to take the mick out of him!

I'm going to aim to write at least one post a week from now on, but knowing me I'll probably start blogging instead of working so posts will probably be much more frequent than that!

If you have a request for something you want me to write about, or a question that you want to ask me (nice ones please! - if I get any more offensive or rude comments or emails, I will start moderating comments and blocking people. Sad to say it, but it has been happening.) feel free to email me with your requests and questions, or if you just want to chat to me, feel free to email.

Guest Post - How To Deal With Meeting A Person With Depression

This guest post was written by madsadgirl originally. It's another fantastic piece of writing, about those like me living with depression. You can read her blog here:

http://madsadgirl.blogspot.com/

How To Deal With Meeting A Person With Depression

It is a sad fact of life but the majority of people in this country feel very uncomfortable about the subject of mental illness. What makes it worse is that a significant proportion of the population are likely to suffer from the most common form of mental illness, depression, at some point in their lives, yet that particular illness still carries a serious stigma with it.

The problem for the sufferer of depression is that it can be a very debilitating illness, but to the majority of non-sufferers that you meet you show no signs of having anything wrong with you. There are no tell-tale spots or rash, you have no stitches, bandages or plaster cast, and you don't require sticks, crutches, or a walking frame to get around. You can be, however, very seriously ill indeed and yet there are no outward signs that would be obvious to those that you meet. So short of carrying a bell or clapper like the lepers of long ago, or wearing a notice around your neck proclaiming "I have depression; treat me carefully" most people would not realise that there is anything wrong with your health.

I don't know how depression manifests itself in other people, I can only describe what I feel, but my depression is not only something that affects the way that I feel about things, it also has some very definite symptoms that I feel physically. When it is at its worst, depression makes me feel as though my head and body are not connected to each other. My body feels numb, like the numbness that you feel in your lip after having an injection at the dentist's, and my head has a woolly feeling with a tendency to feel very light-headed as though I have drunk alcohol on an empty stomach. All of this is combined with an overwhelming desire to cry, though I have no idea what I am crying about, it is just something that I have to do.

So these are the physical symptoms that I feel, which in themselves may not seem like much, but are nonetheless capable of lowering my mental state to a level even lower than it is already. I find it impossible to concentrate; reading becomes something that is unbelievably difficult. I have always loved reading, and half an hour with a good book before I lay down to sleep was the perfect end to the day. Now I find that I have to read the same page repeatedly to stand any chance of understanding what I have read. I have always been shy, but depression makes it incredibly difficult to interact with people that I do not know. Social functions become trials that can cause anxiety to build up days in advance, and small talk something to be avoided because you are likely to become tongue-tied while attempting to have the simplest conversation.

When somebody asks you "How are you?" you answer automatically "Fine" although you aren't really. You answer like this because you know that they really don't want to know that it took a monumental effort to get out of bed, that getting yourself to this stage in the day has been a war against irrational feelings, and that if they ask you anything else you are likely to burst into tears. You hate it when they say "Smile, things could be worse" when you know that there is nothing that could make you feel worse than you do at that particular moment and and smiling is the last thing on your mind because you are finding it almost impossible to just exist. If you were to answer the "How are you?" question truthfully, the questioner would become embarrassed and not know how to further the conversation because they would find it difficult to deal with someone with a mental illness.

Mental illness is something that happens to people. They don't ask for it, and they most certainly would prefer not to have it. Unfortunately, while the medical profession has made incredible advances in the treatment of many of the diseases and injuries that affect us physically, diseases of the brain are not so easy to treat. While we are very similar physically, we are all unique mentally; that is what makes it so difficult to 'cure' mental illnesses.

The next time that you meet someone who suffers from depression, please remember that they are a human being just like you, they don't want to feel the way that they do, and that you can't catch what they have got through contact with them. But most of all, remember that they don't like being stigmatized because they have a mental illness. Remember that; because at some time in the future the person with depression could be you. 

Guest Post - Max and Me

Guest post submitted by Nooreen Akhtar. For sufferers of Depression like myself, this is a fantastic piece of writing explaining exactly what it is like for us on a day to day basis. Well worth reading. The black text is the entirety of the post, exactly as it was sent to me. Thank you for this wonderful submission.

Written by a friend.

Max and Me

The radio goes off at 7 am, and when I open my eyes I can tell Max is already awake. As I start to pull myself up the exhaustion hits me, and I wonder how much sleep I managed to get. Max must have kept me up for hours going on and on about money problems, the heavy workload we have at university and life after graduation. I turn off the radio and reach for my glasses when he starts trying to convince me to spend the day in bed, keep the curtains closed, ignore my timetable and stay under my duvet where its warm and safe. It sounds like such a good idea I nearly give in, but I pull on my glasses, climb out of bed and start planning my day. I wonder round the flat gathering my lecture notes and incomplete assignments with Max making annoying comments in the background, which I try to ignore. Once everything seem ready, I head to the bathroom and jump into the shower. The shower feels great, all the smells from fancy shower gels and shampoos calm me down and wash away the exhaustion. It’s nice to be away from Max’s constant complaining, but I can’t spend all day in the bathroom when there’s work to be done. As I walk out feeling refreshed and start planning my outfit for the day, but as I go through my cupboard Max comments about how all my clothes make me look fat and that I should really make more of an effort to lose weight. I try to argue back but there’s no winning this fight and it easier to just let it go even though I wonder if he might be right. Once I’m ready and out the door walking to lectures you would never figure out that Max was with me. It’s a secret that no one can know about, I’m scared they won’t understand or will judge me, and when I’m outside or around other people it’s easier to pretend that Max is not part of my life. The next few hours are spent hanging out with my friends, going to lectures and trying to complete coursework. From time to time Max will secretly start whispering in my ear about how my friends don’t really like and they’d probably be better off without me. It drives me up the wall when he starts while I try to finish my work in the library. He spends the entire time putting me down or convincing me to just go home back to bed. Some days I just plain ignore him, but today I give in and head into town instead. I walk in and out of shops, seeing loads of items I’d love to buy. Max tries to convince me to buy them, telling me that they will cheer me up and make me feel better today, and a lot of the time I give in, because he’s right it does make me feel a lot better. When I get home, I put everything away and start wasting time finding random things to read online. One of my friend’s then sends me a text reminding me that I was supposed to going out for a party. I’ve known about this party for ages and had originally planned to go but Max suggests that it might just be easier to stay at home and watch DVDs, and again I give in and text my friend back with a made up excuse. The evening goes by, a mixture of DVDs, videogames and avoiding coursework that really needs to be done. Before I head to the kitchen to turn the light before bed, Max starts having a massive go at me, and the comments sometimes reduce me to tears. The subject matter varies from friends, family, work, but he tends to always criticise me as a person. Today it was how I’m never going to succeed at my future goals, how I’m kidding myself that I am smart enough to be at university and that the best thing to do would be drop out and leave, and today I believe him. He follows me as I head to the bedroom and as I curl up under the duvet, he lies next to me going on and on. Seems like it’s going to be another long night.

Max is not real, but Max is not imaginary either. Max is a dark shadow that has followed me for a while now. Max is a real disease that affects several million people all across the globe. Max is depression. What I have described is one of my bad days, and I have them a lot. But I am trying to get help so that Max becomes a decent memory rather than that annoying and demeaning voice in my head. If you have the same problem or know someone who does, encourage them to get help, because the good days you start to have make every bad day well worth it.

Don't forget that I'm looking for another guest post for the weekend, so submissions by midnight Thursday please!

Thank You

I wanted to say thank you for all your thoughts, comments and prayers, and kind messages that you have sent me. They are all playing a part in my decision making, and I'd be grateful if you'd keep them coming and spread the word for me. I really appreciate your kind words, and they're all helping me on my way to reaching a decision. I think I'm nearly there, but I just need those last few bits of help and reassurance to keep me on the right track for me.


Thank you, all you kind people, and thank you social media.

Faye
xxx