Learning and Teaching

At my medical school, we're taught in a variety of ways. Traditional lectures, dissection, prosection, but also newer ways of teaching "Problem Based Learning", interactive seminars, teaching ward rounds, "structured patient teaching" and regular primary and secondary care (GP surgery and hospital) placements from your first year of study. Everyone has ways they learn best, and ways that aren't necessarily the best for them. Personally, I hate lectures. Often I feel they're "Death by PowerPoint" and it's quite easy to switch off in a warm, dark, comfy lecture theatre. Even easier to switch off when the lecturer turns up 10 minutes late, doesn't know what the lecture is supposed to be on, or what year of study you are (things that are rather important to know in my opinion!).

Recently, we've been timetabled some seminars, which are given by 2 different lecturers on alternating weeks. One lecturer is truly fantastic. He makes you think, hates PowerPoint, and obviously really enjoys teaching. The second sees the seminars as an opportunity to talk AT us, and show off how much he knows. Not something that is particularly helpful. I love learning, really I do, I wouldn't be at university if I didn't. But I have to be taught in an engaging way before I enjoy learning. Teaching is an important part of medicine - we're taught mainly by practising clinicians and other healthcare professionals, who see the stuff they teach us. This is unbelievably valuable and a fantastic learning opportunity for us as students.

Because of fantastic teaching, I myself find teaching other students valuable as a way of revising, and also I find it enjoyable - the look on someone's face when they finally understand something they've been struggling with is great when you've helped them reach that level of understanding. This has, however, left me thinking. I want to carry on teaching, and I've had fantastic feedback about my style of teaching. Should I look for more opportunities to teach as a student? I just don't know if my knowledge is good enough.

Exams

First of this year's exams starts on Wednesday. I'm stressed out of my mind and fed up of not leaving my room, have tons of revision to do and it would have to be beautiful weather outside. Determined to do really well this year and do my Grandad proud.

Sorry!

Yes, I'm alive. I've neglected blogging for a while for several reasons. I'm totally swamped with work, we had a death in the family and I also landed myself in hospital. Again. Thankfully this time it was only for 4 days, but it did involve some fairly big surgery as it was for a nasty fracture with some complications. Yes, I'm an idiot for fracturing a bone. We have finally hit Easter holidays now though, so I'm catching up on rest, my social life and some work that I missed due to recuperation time for the broken bone. Safe to say due to impending doom (exams) I won't be blogging much now until August, but I do promise to stay around on the blog a bit more, and currently am welcoming suggestions for things you want me to blog about, so leave a suggestion in the comments box or email me and let me know!

Dear Father Christmas

Dear Father Christmas,

I've tried to be good this year. I've made some new friends, attempted to make peace with some I fell out with, and made an effort to keep in touch with old friends along the way. I've looked after my grandad when he's been ill, I carried out the promises I made to him and visited my grandma and passed my exams. I've tried to be nice to my sisters, even they've made me want to tear my hair out, and I've helped my mother when she's asked for it. I've worked hard and got the marks I've deserved, and I'm finally accepting my health problems.

So, in return, please may I have:

• Some extra spoons - they'll be needed in the New Year
• Some help with this awful Student Finance screw up
• A couple of friends at University - being alone is so hard sometimes
• Some extra space in my brain for all the stuff I need to know
• New ways of learning things that works for me and sticks - I'm struggling
• And some acceptance from friends, colleagues, the medical school and my family of my illness and of me as a person.

Thank you for reading this, whether you can fulfil it or not.

Truffle

xx

Still Here

I'm still alive, I have lost a chunk of my sight, and am being sent for all manner of investigations into my eyes, joints, skin and heart, including seeing a geneticist, so everything's a bit crazy. I'm also on a clinical placement at the moment so learning lots in a very short space of time with long days, all whilst trying to maintain a social life and enter dance competitions that I'm probably not well enough to do. Tough times but I'm still here and still keeping going. Normal blogging will resume soon! I'm still on twitter and still check my emails regularly - let me know if you have any ideas for things you want me to blog about, or if you just want to get to know me better

Back soon!

Truffle

xx

What do you see?

After my last post, I had comments on twitter saying that I was insulting people whose eyesight really was failing as I can obviously manage to do clinical skills with no problem, and that if I couldn't I'd be a danger to my patients. I was a little hurt by these comments, because until you've experienced what it's like to have sight like mine, it's difficult to appreciate the challenges I face with it.

I manage to do clinical skills fine because I adapt as I learn the new skills and find a way to do them that works for me. As a child I learned to hold a pencil different to other children because I couldn't coordinate the pencil well enough to write the "normal" way. My handwriting was still dreadful but it worked for me. If you learn a new skill, you don't necessarily do it exactly the way it was taught - you make adaptations that work for you, and that applies to everyone, whether you have difficulties with sight, hearing, understanding, mobility, etc or not. Most of what I described in my last post are things I don't actually think about from day to day any more, because they're completely normal for me. It's just when I move house and change environments, particularly to somewhere I don't know, that I have to think and adapt what I do. I've recently moved to live on campus and I've already learned that I need to adapt to the new surroundings. Already today I've burned myself on the grill twice because it's high up on the wall and the grill tray comes out at an angle that's difficult for me to see. I've walked into walls because the corridors are narrower than I'm used to at home. It's frustrating, but in another week or so there won't be those problems any more because I'll have adapted and they'll become normal adaptations which require little or no thought.

A perfect example of problems in new situations was whilst out with a friend today. We were in one of those gadget type shops with lots of electronic toys that run around and fly etc. One of the shop assistants was flying a miniature helicopter. It was black with a blue light on it but because of the speed it was moving and the colour and size it was, I just didn't see it and nearly walked into it head on. A toy like that can do a surprising amount of damage to a person's face, it will at least sting for an hour or so if the blades catch you - trust me on that one! I didn't see it mainly because it was on my left hand side. If I'd have been somewhere I'd known to take extra care, I'd have been looking left more often by swapping control of my eyes and forcing my brain to use my left eye - just like I do when I'm driving. Small adaptations that just make me and other people safer.

Essentially what I'm saying is, I don't claim to be anything i'm not. I just make do with what I have. I'm grateful for the sight I do have and want to protect and preserve that for as long as possible. I'm not trying to make out things are worse than they are, I'm not trying to get pity or sympathy. I don't want that. I just want a little understanding, because outwardly, i just look like a clumsy twit. I look "normal". I conform to society. If you look at a photograph of me, you can't tell there's anything wrong. You might pick up that I have a squint (I hate that word by the way. I squint when I look at the sun. So does everyone! It doesn't mean my eye looks like it does - that's amblyopia if you want to call it something medical, or a lazy eye if you don't). I don't make a big thing of it. I don't like drawing attention to it - people comment on it enough as it is without me pointing it out! But if people ask why I do something differently then I explain. Just because outwardly everything seems fine, doesn't mean that I'm not struggling.

So, my question to you, what do you see when you look at me? Do you see a girl who is quite frankly struggling, or do you see the outwardly bubbly "normal" person, or do you see a moany whingey whiney person? Yeah I complain about it from time to time, but wouldn't you? I'm only human after all.

Eyes...

Anyone who knows me, will know that my eyesight is, quite frankly, horrific. I've worn glasses since I was 3 and had a patch that failed to correct a squint for two years when I was 4. I have poor spatial awareness and depth perception. I can see about 10centimetres (4 inches) from my face without my glasses. At the moment there are very limited options for contact lenses for me so I can't wear them currently because my prescription is so high. I cried the first time I wore contact lenses because I'd never seen myself in a mirror without glasses before.

Simple things are difficult for me because of my eyesight, so I'm going to attempt to describe an average day at university in order to explain just how difficult things are, because it's things people take for granted that I struggle with from day to day.

So, I wake up. First thing I have to do is find my glasses. Mostly this involves a lot of groping around. There's no point turning on the light yet because it won't help me see the glasses. Once I've found them (it usually takes about 10 minutes) the lights go on and I get up for a shower.

Showering is, well, fun. I have to make sure that my shampoo bottle is a different colour from my conditioner bottle and different again from my shower gel. I also have to have brightly coloured razors so that I can find them all. If my shampoo and conditioner look similar then I have no idea which is which until I pour them out. Glasses steam up in the shower so I can't see anything even if I do keep them on.

Once I'm showered I then get the fun of putting make up on. I have to have a mirror really close so I can see to do my eye makeup and then wait for it to dry before my glasses go back on. Putting in earrings I've learned to do by feel now so that's no issue. By this point I've usually fallen over or spilled something at least once. I'm permanently bruised from stupid accidents. Getting dressed means I don't wear anything with fiddly straps or buttons because I can't see to do them properly and my coordination isn't good enough to do them up based on feel alone.

Breakfast is again interesting. If I have cereal, it's a given that I will spill the milk. If I have toast, I'll struggle to get it out the toaster, cos where the toast is and where my brain thinks it is and thinks my hand is in relation to it are two very different things. Coffee is needed at this time in the morning and I'll miss the cup putting sugar in and spill it en route back to my room.

I pack my bag with my laptop, a textbook, notepad, highlighters, a ruler and pens and head off to lectures. When I get to the lecture theatre, I hold on to the railings/chairs as I walk downstairs cos I fall over a lot as I fail to judge how steep/deep stairs are. Once I'm settled in my seat (near the front so I can see the lecturer clearly), I fire up the laptop and download the powerpoint for the lecture. If I don't, I can't read it on the projector. At this point I usually have to enlarge the text and change the colours to make it easier to read. I follow through the lecture, making notes by hand, then immediately type them up afterwards - my handwriting is so bad because of my sight that if I don't type it up then I have no idea what it says a few hours later.

Lunch is the same as breakfast and I knock stuff over, fall over and spill things. Occasionally I miss my own mouth with food or drink which makes a right mess.

If I have a placement then things are even harder because a lot of the clinical skills we use I have to shut my eyes and use feel or shut one eye or the other to adjust for my sight and make sure I know exactly where my hands are.

Dinner is just as difficult as lunch and breakfast. I usually try and run before dinner, but if it's even just drizzling I generally don't because rain on my glasses means I really can't see.

If I'm doing group work then I type everything up with a coloured background so I can see the text better, then convert it back before I send it to the group. I have to edit all of the group's work so I can read it properly on screen usually as people aren't considerate when I tell them that I can't read certain things, and I can't afford to print off 30 odd pages of work a week.

These are just a few of the things I struggle with. If I told you all of them then we'd be here forever. The point in me telling you this is because I've been offered Phakic Intraocular Lens Implantation Sugery. Paid for privately by my dad. I want to leap at the chance but the risk of me losing my sight is high. Laser surgery isn't an option so this is my chance at as close to 20:20 vision as I'm ever going to get. But I'm petrified. I lose my sight, my career is over. Question is, do I take the risk?

Home Alone

So, exams are over, my housemates have already moved out (and left me loads of crap) and I've had a stomach bug. So the packing frenzy begins tonight for when my mum turns up in the morning. PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1 more to go...

Title says it all really. One more exam until I am FREEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Countdown to the End of Term!

One Exam done. 2 more to go.

The OSCE for my last unit of study went actually okay. I now have one more OSCE to get through and the written exam and possibly one resit of an Analytical Review of a Research paper but who knows?! Time to get my arse in gear and do some revsion!!

USA Medical Student Day

Over in the states it is currently still July 1st which apparently (according to MedicDani) is Medical Student day there. So, this post was her idea and nudging me towards getting some fantastic advice from all of you hopefully! What I'd love would be for you to tweet @ me or to leave in the comments box or to email me is your piece of advice for brand new medical students, or students starting placements or junior doctors about to start their first jobs, or advice for medical professionals in general. Just one piece of advice is all I ask!

Here's Dani's piece of advice:

Befriend the nurses and the aides. We will be your best friends or your worst enemies and we have more power with the surgeons than you think. We decide whether to like you or not based on your first day, so the only staff to fear on day one is the Nurses and aides.

Looking forward to reading all of your pieces of advice!!

1 sheep, 2 sheep, 3 sheep....

It seems I've become an insomniac. I haven't slept properly since last Tuesday. I'm currently surviving on 1-3 hours a night. 3 is good. Very good. It's making me feel horrific, I'm having horrible dreams, it's not doing me any favours healthwise (I have apparently some strange viral infection that is playing games with my heart rate and making me feel generally rather bizarre.). I want to go running, in the hope that it'll burn me out, but I can't risk it with my lungs being as rubbish as they are. All I want is sleep and I just can't get it. Any ideas for things to help? Sleeping tablets aren't working (prescribed ones. I have two types and neither seem to be doing anything.) neither are hot baths, lavender oil, milky drinks. Suggestions needed!! I need some sleep! I have an exam on Monday and my stress levels are even higher cos I'm not sleeping.

New Everything

I'm having a new start right now and am working hard, doing things ahead of schedule and even handing in essays a bit early. I've also changed the look of the blog - let me know what you think! Hopefully it reflects the fact that all of this is still a journey for me. The third thing that's changed is my contact details. The email address is now FutureHEMSDoc@gmail.com - a lot easier for people I think, and hopefully a few more of you would email me. If there's anything you'd like me to blog about, or if you have yourself written a blog post, or if you just want to ask me questions or get in touch, send me an email!!

STRESS!!!!!

Argh - too much work to do, not enough time!! Damn my procrastination skills!!!!!

Nothing to Lose

To further my knowledge, and just because I find the topics interesting, I'm planning on entering two essay competitions for medical students. I've chosen competitions with topics I have a particular reason to like and find appealing to both read and write about, and because I have nothing to lose by entering. I get to write essays which are good revision. I'll improve my essay writing technique, hopefully, and I'll do some more background reading relevant to my studies. It's highly unlikely I'll win a prize but there's no harm in trying!!!

It'll mean lots more time in the library, but with 2 OSCEs, 1 oral presentation, 2 written assignments and 2 written exams coming up, that's where I need to be!!

I also want to run some more guest blog posts. I found them really interesting the last time I asked. This time, however, I'm going to pick a theme - "Caring or curing?". It' can be a controversial topic amongst medical professionals. I'd like to know your opinions, and where and how you think medicine, pre-hospital medicine, nursing, etc fits in. Approach it from any angle you like though! I'd also like opinions from people who aren't related to medicine at all. Nobody is excluded! 


Submissions by Midnight on Monday please - although if you really want to submit one but can't make that deadline just let me know by Sunday (email or twitter), otherwise it may have to wait for another day.

Back in Business

Sorry guys - the blog went private so I could make a few tweaks and changes to the site and comments.

Change number 1:

You need to be signed in to make a comment - no more of this anonymous slagging me off business. If you're going to insult me, at least be man (or woman) enough to admit who you are instead of this cowardly hiding behind a keyboard.

Change number 2:

All comments are being moderated. Didn't want to do it but, as people continue to use the comments of my blog to try and put me down and give me a bad reputation, it has to happen. Sorry but I no longer have a choice about this.

Change number 3:

The top of my blog now states its exact purpose. It may sound selfish, but really, this is my diary, and whilst I'm happy for people to comment and ask me stuff, I will answer eventually, but it is for me ultimately, and on here, I'm putting myself first for a change.

Change number 4:

My contact details are now down the side of the blog, with a link to my twitter page.

Change number 5:

The big image of me is gone - just didn't like having it there. Instead is a wonderful picture of an air ambulance that I believe is in Austria. Clicking on it takes you to the source.

Send Your Thoughts Please

Having a tough time at the moment. Failed an assignment and am not at all enjoying placement. Just would be nice if people could just send me a comment to let me know they're there. Aside from finally having Simon back, I'm feeling really quite alone.

Some Advice

This is a question I was asked a few weeks ago, via my formspring page. I thought it might help those students starting 6th Form, or about to start thinking about the dreaded UCAS (University and College Application System).

As a second year student, what advice would you give to anyone considering the same career path that you have chosen?

Think VERY carefully about whether this is REALLY what you want to do - you will be devoting your entire life to this degree for 5 years. You will lose your social life, and it will be hard to make and keep friends. Discuss it with your adults, your tutors, your friends, your family, ask questions to people like me who have already been through this (I'm happy to answer emails from anyone about this - dysdiadochokinesia@hotmail.com). It is hard, physically, emotionally and mentally.

It's a rewarding career but if it's not right for you, it will wear you down. Also - pick the right type of degree for you. PBL doesn't suit everyone, nor does a traditional course, nor a course with clinical placements from the word go.

Get lots of experience - being a doctor isn't glamorous like on Casualty or ER, it's hard graft and very demanding, and can often be very unglamorous - particularly when you're examining stool samples or putting maggots into leg ulcers! It's incredibly demanding, tiring and stressful. It can be upsetting, it can make you angry, get you frustrated. You'll experience more emotions in your first few weeks of clinical placements than you ever thought possible. It's a lot of hard work, and won't be much like you expected it to be. Do some work as a healthcare assistant or something in a hospital, do lots of shadowing.

If you're serious about it, go on lots of open days, ask current students about the courses and what they think about them, work hard at your A levels and GCSEs, and pick the right subjects for the courses you have in mind - DO your research. If you don't think you're going to get the grades, look at Access to Medicine courses, or Medical Schools that offer lower grades depending on what school you're at, or Medical Degrees with a Foundation Year.

Do lots of practice interviews, find out what they're like at the universities you've applied to - they vary a lot. For example, UEA is an OSCE style interview, whereas St George's University in London is a traditional interview with 3 consultants and a medical student firing questions at you.

But ultimately, do what YOU want, and what you think is going to make YOU happiest.

Good Luck

What are we supposed to do?

As medical students, sometimes we encounter situations we are not at all expecting, and that we struggle to deal with because it's not something we've yet covered in our training. We then don't get the opportunity to later discuss how best we should have dealt with the situation, so when it comes to the next time around (which inevitably, there WILL be a next time) we have very little idea what we should do, what we're supposed to do. Thing is, I just can't work out how to change this. It needs to change. We can't be left feeling like this every time we encounter situations like this.

Ideas on a postcard please.

Alternatively you can email me or DM me.

Future HEMS Doctor?

When I joined Twitter, I started out as MedStudentFaye. That's me, that's who I am and what I am. Plain and simple. I soon realised thought, that I wasn't happy just being me. I wanted to aim higher. I wasn't happy just being mediocre or average. So, I became FutureHEMSDoc, in order to give myself something to aim for. However, this year, I've been doubting myself. A LOT. I haven't been at all happy at UEA, that's no secret. The course isn't really right for me and I haven't made many real friends at all on my course, or even at UEA in general. I feel isolated and alone a lot of the time, despite having a wonderful boyfriend (NorfolkDocToBe) but he's usually up in Manchester, but at the moment he's the other side of the world. I love him to pieces but him being so far away is currently very unhelpful! I don't at all begrudge him the opportunity he has in Australia, and am really pleased he's enjoying himself and travelling and learning a bit more about himself and what he wants to do as he advances in his medical career. He's made for medicine. I'm not so sure that I am.

I've had several lengthy discussions with many of my good friends on twitter about all of this - mostly Mark Glencorse and his lovely wife Sandra, as well as iMedicFF (who has put up with me crying far too much!) who have been fantastic in helping me decide what is best for me, and what I should do. (Thank you guys! Really appreciate all the lengthy conversations - I know I'm a pain in the butt, but you've helped me out a hell of a lot). But in the end, no matter how much I discuss this with people, it is MY decision. I changed my twitter name so there was no pressure on myself to be FutureHEMSDoc, but at the end of the day, I wouldn't be me if I didn't push myself. For now, I'm going to work as hard as I can at this medical degree, because I'm not one for giving up. If I pass the year, I'll carry on and work until I get to where I want to be. I'm not particularly bright, and I'm not popular or happy on this degree, but once I'm qualified, I can do so much with it, and I just can't waste that opportunity. I've got this far, and I couldn't forgive myself if I threw that away. If I fail the year, at least I gave it a go and did my best, but I'll then go and be a paramedic. I'd be happy in that job, I know I would. I love every single aspect of it, even the paperwork and the picking up drunks on a Saturday night, but I think I'd always feel like I lost the opportunity to do more. I'm not at all putting down paramedics and what they do - the VAST majority of those that I've met have been fantastic people, highly skilled and far better than I would ever be at that job, but as a doctor, I could do many more different things, and maybe even change the way a few things work for the better.

As I said in my first post, I'm stubborn, opinionated and I care a hell of a lot. Because of that I'm going to do my best whatever I do. I'm going to keep going out observing with paramedics as much as possible (if you're a paramedic or tech who wants an observer, give me a shout!! I'd love to go out with as many different people as possible). I'm going to keep working as an HCA in my hospital, and I'm going to speak to ambulance services about student paramedic jobs, and look into paramedic science degrees, because I'm still a little unsure.

I'm crying as I write this, not because I think I'm making the wrong decision, but because I think, for now, I'm making the right one for me, even if the world seems to be passing me by because of it, and because I've put a lot of people through my crying and worrying and stressing over all of this.

To everyone who has helped me with this decision, including those who I haven't mentioned by name: Thank You. You don't know how much help and support you've been. Honestly, you don't.

To everyone who has put me down and told me I can't do this, and told me to quit and that I'm useless and  a waste of space, and that I'll be a rubbish doctor: I'm going to prove you wrong. You may put me down, and say awful things to me, but it's just making me stronger. I'm going to FIGHT until I have nothing left.And I'm going to do what's right for ME.