Monday, 29 March 2010

Hardest Decision

So, I'm a week on, and nothing much has changed. I'm home for Easter and hating it. Family life is difficult and I don't fit back in anymore. To top it off, the boyfriend is in Australia so I can't even talk to him all that much because of the time difference (Time zones suck!!). I'm quite lonely here and all I want to do is sleep.

I'm having a real rethink about my life at the moment. I'm not really happy in medical school and I really don't know if it's the right thing for me. I always wanted to be a paramedic, but my school refused to send off the UCAS form with Paramedic Science on it, or write me a reference for a student paramedic position. My parents refused to support me in that career, and I knew that nursing and midwifery weren't for me, so I decided to just go for it and apply for medicine. I didn't think I'd get offers, let alone get the grades, but I did, even if it was by the skin of my teeth. 

Since then I've been struggling with everything at medical school, aside from the practical things. The science is way beyond what I can cope with without doing stupid amounts of work. I no longer have a social life and the stress is having an impact on my health. I love the practical stuff, and fast paced patient turnaround, but other than that, there is very little keeping me here. I haven't made many friends, I don't go out or even dance anymore (I used to be a dancer on the university Dancesport team) and I just don't see a reason why to carry on. I keep scraping through exams other than the practical ones and I'm just not enjoying much of it at all.

I'm thinking about leaving it all and going to be a paramedic. It's what I wanted to do in the first place and I think it's really where my heart's at but I just don't know. My parents would hate me for it, I don't think my boyfriend would really be all too happy about it and I just don't know. I can't decide. I've agonised over it, shed plenty of tears and lost a lot of sleep over it. It's a very difficult decision but one I will have to make soon enough.


  1. I am a firm believer in doing what ever it us that makes you most happy. Yes, the parents might want their daughter to be a doctor, but if that is not for you then I say let it go. To be honest, if your heart is not in it the liklihood is that you won't get through the horrendous training anyway. Not because you aren't clever enough, just because you won't be able to commit whole heartedly to it.
    You say you have always wanted to be a paramedic. I always wanted to be a paramedic too, but found my way there after 9 yrs of nursing. I wish I had started sooner.
    Think of what you want to do, not what everyone else wants you to do.

    I hope you can decide soon and get on with moving forward with whatever you decide.

    You know you can always Skype or ring me or Mrs999 if you want to chat!

  2. I've learned the hard way that in order to be happy in life you need to do what is best for YOU. It's your life, after all :). Remember, "home is where the heart is" applies to work as well. We end up spending nearly as much time there, after all! Good luck with the decision-making, I just know you'll make the right choice. *hugs*

  3. I know you don't know me from anywhere, but happened upon you blog. My advice to you, is this, simply follow your heart! Boyfriends come and go, parents have dreams and unrealistic expectations of us sometimes, but as growing young adults and sometimes us older young adults need to remember WE SHAPE OUR OWN DESTINY. We need to do that which drives us from our soul and gives us fulfillment. Anything worth achieving is worth the hardships and worth the trial and re-do's that make come with it. When you reach your goal, you are going to look back at every trial and every tribulation you endured and realize it has made you a stronger, wiser professional adult in the field you end up in. Work hard, BE PROUD and MOVE FORWARD! No marathon has ever been won but someone who trained as a couch potato.

    *hugs and best wishes to you*

    Kelly Byrn (writer& female filmmaker) from the USA

  4. You must follow your own heart hun, regardless of the opinions or wishes of others, They can't live your life only you can and only you will. You must love yourself and your life before you can truly love anyone else and, though others may not like your choices in life, they ARE your choices to make. If they are true to you and truly love you, after some grumbling they will support you and see that a career as a medic is what TRULY makes you happy. :) Good luck !!!!! *Hugs*

  5. If people wont support you it's going to be hard. Unfortunatly you can only ever rely on one person - yourself! I'd go for it, it's not like your saying 'I want to be unemployed', a paramedic is a great job, being a doctor suits some and its obviously not what you want. Your a hands on person and it sounds like you'll make a great para. Seriously if thats where your heart lies, go for it. If people wont stand by you / support you, do they really care about you?

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  7. I suppose you need to seperate how you feel now with how you will feel in the long run. Will you be able to transfer course? In ten years would you be happy as a doctor post-exams (tho there ould be more to come) or a paramedic? You are evidently drawn to the aspects of medicine which are like paramedic work - critical care etc - and some doctors do this, but the role is different. Do you want to be involved in the whole care pathway or just the triage/prehospital bit? Do you like teamwork or more clinical autonomy?

    You have clearly gone through some rubbish recently. Med school isn't easy even if some of your comrades pretend so. They also wouldn't let you in if they didn't think you'd cope with the course and be a excellent doctor?

    Sorry if this confuses you even more! But its a bad idea to make drastic decisions when everything else seems rubbish

  8. You're currently in Med School and obviously not enjoying it as much as you hoped. If your heart isnt in it, then this isnt the career for you. When I talk to you it seems evident to me that being a Paramedic is where your hearts at. If this is truely what you want to be, then do it.
    You have one chance at life. There is no rehearsal. Make sure you go for what you love and strive for. Only then will you be happy.
    I never thought of being a Paramedic when I was younger, so I started to persue a career in Nursing. Only when I had completed my first year did I realise that being a nurse was not what I wanted to be at all. My heart was in pre-hospital care. Maybe I have left it too late now to fully acheive my goal, but becoming a CFR has only made me more determined to reach my ultimate goal. A Paramedic.
    You are still young. Dont let your heart rule your head. Go for it. Achieve that dream, and you will never look back.

    Fruitini xxx

  9. It must be very tough making a decision like this, and I don't envy you at all. Leaving medicine isn't really like leaving any other course and it takes a lot of self-belief to do it. However saying that, you do not seem happy. I know it sounds really obvious and you've probably done loads, but I think if you can get a week or so shadowing paramedics you'll get a clearer view of which path you'd be happier in. And if you've already done that, then I think you already know. :) Your happiness is the most important thing, and either decision is going to lead to a challenging and satisfying career.

  10. I've been meaning to write this for a while, but been stuck on crappy phone-only internet for the last month and a bit:

    When I first applied to med school, a friend who'd been through the course made me sit down and rationalise to him exactly why I wanted to do it, the pros and cons. Because as he said, unless you absolutely utterly want to do it, the course will destroy you.

    It sounds like the course is already doing that to you, and that you're not as utterly "in love" with the course as you could be (need to be?). From what you say above, you're doing the course because it's expected of you, not because it's what you want to do.

    Imagine you keep going, and pass? Then years down the line, you're stuck as a doctor when you don't want to be. The job isn't easy.

    I'd say follow your heart with this one.


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